What is the appropriate tone to take when dealing with school officials?

This is a tricky one. Race and class play a role here, as they do in all interactions between a mostly white constituency and a mostly black government bureaucracy. We all wish that it weren't so, but if you could read the thought bubbles above our heads in some of the school meetings I've suffered through, this is what you might see:

(Me): "I can't understand how this dude has this job. He can't write a sentence in clear English; he won't answer emails; he is just a passive-aggressive, do-nothing bureaucrat with a limp, damp handshake, and the fact that he somehow persuaded someone to give him a Ph.D only cements the truth that if you write enough tuition checks to certain colleges, eventually they will print you out whatever kind of degree you want."

(Him): "Why is this man so angry? I am just doing my job. My job is not to say yes to everything these rich white people ask for, not when poor black kids from East Atlanta ain't getting half as much resources as the kids at this midtown elementary school. He talks to me like I'm an idiot. But I have a Ph.D., and I have this job, and I am going to do it the way I'm going to do it."

(Me): "This guy and all his bosses have created a culture where nobody really has to push themselves too hard; nobody has to be uncomfortable, and where they're willing to declare themselves satisfied with a level of performance that I, as a fairly successful professional, would never accept from people who work for me or around me. So if you're wondering why I resent you, it's because your standards are too low, you expect too little of yourselves, and your number one goal is to protect your cozy little enclave."

(Him): "You don't get to tell us how to do our jobs. There are all sorts of historical and cultural reasons why you don't get to come in here and act all superior. We are running this operation, so get used to it."

This reminds me of a true story of an encounter I had with another City of Atlanta employee, right down the street from my house. I was coming home from an errand one mid-morning, and right in the middle of Greenwood was a garbage truck, positioned so nobody could pass it to either side.

Cars started lining up in both directions over the next several minutes, and yet as the truck lurched down the street, the driver never made an effort to move a foot or two over to one side to let at least one of the backed-up lanes of traffic start to pass.

I finally got out of my own truck and confronted one of the workers. "Why can't you move over and let some of this traffic go by?" I asked him. He looked at me with a big grin, so that I could see his big stupid-looking gold front tooth, and said (and this is an exact quote):

"You on our schedule now."

I don't know why I'm reminded of this story now. Maybe it's because there has always been more than a whiff of payback, a whiff of "OJ justice" in the way I have perceived my treatment at the hands of certain City of Atlanta bureaucrats over the years, from DMV to Watershed Management (!) to APS.

However, while I know how I feel, I'm quite sure I've mischaracterized how the other side feels. Because I have no way of knowing how they really feel; I'm just guessing.

Given all the uncertainty and the tension, it's hard to know what tone to take when entering into a conversation with APS over, for example, the need to resolve the parking issue at DHUMP.

Our PTO leaders have decided to let the process play out at APS's pace, and to not be very aggressive. I would argue this is a good time to set a tone for our relationship now, and going forward: do not think you can jerk around our PTO, because this particular group of parents is not going to allow that.

It is not necessary to be uncivil or unreasonable to set the proper precedent and tone. All we need to do is go to APS, tell them that we have decided we are no longer going to embrace the position of waiting patiently for them to get around to doing something they should have done (and promised to do) many months ago, but that we want them to agree to a reasonable and utterly firm deadline for finishing the deal.

Then hold their feet to the fire.

In my 3+ years dealing with APS as an IEP parent (which is to say, dealing with APS on a constant, almost daily basis), I have seen that APS does not have a workplace culture that respects the deadlines it promises to parents and PTAs. It regards deadlines as casually as you might regard a to-do list of chores on your refrigerator. Sure, you'd like to get to them all in a timely way, but you probably won't, and when you don't, there probably won't be much of a backlash. So -- hey, let's hit the couch, and if somebody doesn't like my pace of accomplishment, they can kiss my ass.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your tax dollars at work!